i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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