Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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