I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
