I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I am naked and annoyed.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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