Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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