my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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