He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
