like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
