I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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