I think my vagina is haunted
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
