Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
this hospital has no fireball
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
