yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
