I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
