at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
