Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
