Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
