Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
