So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
