Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
