She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I need to sanitize my soul.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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