I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
