You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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