Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
