Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
