Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
