There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
