I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
