Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
