I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize