His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
