If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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