just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
