She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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