i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
