never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
