You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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