Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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