Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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