so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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