Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
