my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
