Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Mom said you looked used
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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