she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
