I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
