I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
