Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
