Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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