Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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