worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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