you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
