If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
