Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
