We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
