we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
