Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
