if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
When are your genitals available?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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