Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize