I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
