Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
