I didn't shave. On purpose
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
