The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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