A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
