who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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