Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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