Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
