I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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