Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
