This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
